


without really meaning it

by respoftw



Series: 35 Ways To Say I Love You In The Pegasus Galaxy [24]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Character Study, M/M, Mention of Rodney/others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 10:49:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8324914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: Rodney was sixteen years old the first time he said 'I love you' and forty years old the first time he meant it.





	

Rodney was sixteen the first time he said 'I love you'. Sixteen and pretty enough that the guy - Tom - had said it back for the chance to get in his pants. The entire experience was humiliating enough that Rodney swore it would never happen again - instead, honing his interest to focus on women, blondes, breasts - the complete opposite of Tom.

It mostly worked. Not always. For every Sam Carter there was a Pyotr Strahovski.

It was a long time before he said the words again. He wasn't completely surprised that it was to another man. At least this one was blonde. Jonas had seemed different, had seemed interested, and Rodney had thought, for a little while at least, that things could work out.

They didn't.

Maybe another galaxy was what he needed to change his luck.

He only told Katie that he loved her once. Rodney couldn't decipher her smile at the time but, looking back, he could see that she knew it for the untruth it was before he did. He'd always thought she was smarter than any botanist had the right to be. She deserved better anyway.

Rodney doesn't remember telling Jennifer for the first time. He's saw the video, the words immortalised forever. He never really felt comfortable with the way she would smile when she watched it. That man on the screen, it wasn't him. Jennifer eventually came to realise that herself, bowing out of Atlantis and Rodney's life. He didn't miss her.

And so Rodney was alone again. At least he always had John.

Rodney was forty years old when he said 'I love you' for the last first time. He was forty years old when he meant them for the first first time.

John had grinned and said 'I know' like the Han Solo wannabe that he was.

Stupid thing was, it had made Rodney smile.

That's when he knew that he was done for, that's when he knew that he had never really meant it before.

It had always been John, even before he knew there was a John. It would always be John.

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://buffycuddlespigs.tumblr.com)


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